*Note: This article was written for Bolde.com on August 12, 2017. To read the original article, click here.
While you’re not going to become exclusive with a guy as soon as you meet, at a certain point, you should know whether you like each other enough to date only each other. If you’re at that point but the guy you’re with is still undecided about giving up the other girl(s) in his life, it’s time to end it.
1. THERE’S NOTHING BUT CONSTANT DRAMA. Love triangles are complicated, frustrating, and anything but romantic. Empowered women everywhere keep speaking about the importance of women helping women and breaking the cycle of tearing each other down. The last thing you should want is to get into a middle school fight over a boy you both like. No one ends up victorious in a boy fight.
2. DATES TURN INTO COMPETITIONS. Pre-dating jitters typically include fussing over what you’re going to wear and sculpting the perfect winged eyeliner. Missing from that list should be how much fun he had on his date with someone else, if they were able to make him laugh as much as you, and whether or not the date ended with a kiss on the cheek or a trip to the bedroom. Dates shouldn’t turn into some kind of bizarre interview where he’s trying to find the perfect candidate to take him on as a full-time job.
3. HE’S FEEDING YOU THE EXACT SAME LINES. If he said he loves you, then he’s definitely said it to her as well. Why else would he say it but then refuse to commit? Whatever sweet nothings he whispers in your ear on Mondays and Fridays, she’s most likely hearing on Wednesdays and Saturdays.
4. HE’S DEFINITELY NOT “THE ONE.” If casual dating isn’t your thing and you’re looking for something real, now’s the time to hit the road, because it’s not going to be him. A person who is in it for the long term and can imagine a future with you isn’t going to string you along and have to juggle their feelings. If you’re willing to make him your number one priority, you should ensure that you’re at the top of his list as well.
5. WHY SHOULD YOU BE DOWNGRADED? Why should you be competing for his feelings? Be with someone who recognizes what a phenomenal woman you are and wants to be with no one else but you.
6. HE’LL BE THINKING OF HER. Even if he’s not trying to string you along and honestly can’t decide what his heart wants, whenever he thinking of you, she won’t be far from his mind. When he’s spending his time with you, his thoughts will still occasionally drift to her. Don’t waste your time waiting on a guy who’s pining over someone else.
7. HE’S KEEPING HIS OPTIONS OPEN. He’s delaying and receiving the benefits of having two girlfriends without having to make up his mind. His options seem wide open to him because if it doesn’t work out with you, he can always fall back on someone else. You should be someone’s first choice and not another option to them.
8. IF YOU’RE COMMITTING TO HIM, HE SHOULD BE COMMITTED TO YOU. If he’s not committing to you, why should you have to do the same? You aren’t obligated keep a commitment if he’s not willing to honor it. If the relationship is casual on his side, but he doesn’t want you treating it the same way, it’s like saying, “I don’t want you, but I don’t want anyone else to have you.”
9. HE NEEDS TO DEFINE YOUR RELATIONSHIP. If it’s a casual relationship he’s after, then at least you’ll have your answer and can decide whether or not you should invest any more of your time. If he says the connection you have is serious then he has to give a definitive answer on who he wants to have that relationship with, because it can’t be both of you.
10. HE COULD STILL GO BACK TO HER. He may end up choosing you but that doesn’t mean she still isn’t an option for him. At one point, she was your constant competition and privy to the thoughts and musings of his personal life. When things get rocky and his heart begins to sway, it’ll only take one text to reach her. He knows that if things don’t work out with you, he can try to make her his fall back.
11. THERE’S SOMEONE OUT THERE WHO ACTUALLY WANTS TO DATE YOU. There’s someone in this world who sees your personality as unmatched by any other woman because when it comes to you there is no competition. Your love, time and affection should be spent on someone you know is giving you all of theirs as well.